Pain
by shizukusa
Summary: An accident; suffering; guilt --- and to Abe, it's almost as if the world has collapsed.
1. Accident

It all started that day.

* * *

Abe runs as fast as he can, cursing his bike, cursing his alarm clock, and wondering whether he can make it till Nishiura before he gets exhausted. The streets are empty enough for a friday morning, and speed is no big deal for a sportsman like him, but Abe has to cover some distance before he can stop and safely thank his luck for helping him get to his school right on time.

Abe is always right on time.

The tournament has matches scheduled week by week, and although they're winning, they're getting exhausted as well. Of course, Abe knows he can't blame it on the tournament only, it was his fault too; he should've been more careful, and less sure of his waking up early, less sure of his not being too tired, and remembering that his bike got destroyed just a week ago by his own dear teammate.

He has learned his lesson since, never to trust Tajima with anything, but till now he has had to pay for his mistake. There never goes a day without his cursing Tajima.

Some days, it may seem funny how when you think of someone, that someone has to appear. Usually, it isn't that amusing.

The next moment, Tajima is there, peering at a bemused Abe and waving his hand excitedly. His cycle wavers but somehow Tajima manoeuvres it and comes right to where Abe is standing frowning.

"Late?" He asks a bit unnecessarily, and knowing this, he doesn't wait for a reply, but asks, "Need a ride?"

Abe gives him a look, a look that should remind him of the damage he caused to Abe's bike, but Tajima is oblivious, and Abe sighs. He looks at his watch, and there's only five minutes left till the bell will ring, and he knows that the distance is short enough for a bike to cover it in five minutes flat, and so he'll be late anyway so there's no harm if he goes with Tajima, right?

For a moment, he doubts whether there will be no harm. But Tajima is looking at him impatiently, moaning, "Come on, hurry up, answer!" like a miracle could be there to save them, so Abe does what he has to do and says yes at the risk of his life.

Sure, he is still a bit doubtful as he climbs onto the hard "seat" behind Tajima, his bag safe in his arms. But right now, Abe just can't think of an excuse for being late (not that the teacher will let them off anyway).

Because there's a familiar figure riding past the two. Mihashi is on his bike, pedaling as fast as his sleepy and tired body will let him, the sweat running all over his face. At a time like this, Abe notes indifferently, he looks even more his usual anguished, tearful self.

The next minute, he's cursing himself for making notes when he should be taking some action. Tajima decides that he needs more company, and taking advantage of the fact that Abe is lost in thought he starts calling out to Mihashi.

Mihashi hears his voice as he takes a turn, slowly registering that it's Tajima, and looks back.

It happens all too suddenly.

The dark vehicle coming down the lane is obviously speeding, and the driver realizes a bit too late that there's someone ahead on such an empty street. Mihashi turns his head, and he sees the light flash and the blare of the horn before the vehicle hits him. The impact of the collision is enough to send both him and his bike flying and he lands with an audible thump on the tar road, groaning in pain. The vehicle swerves to avoid him, and with a last guilty look at the victim the owner drives away.

Everything seems to go slowly then.

Mihashi lands right near the spot where Abe and Tajima are standing. Abe's eyes move from his pale face, to his bruised body, to the red, red blood, that has his boots sticky. He looks into Mihashi's eyes.

Mihashi's watery eyes. They close.

From the corner of his eyes, he can see Tajima kneeling down near Mihashi's body, panicked, scared, and useless. He can hear Tajima's cries for help, overpowering the deadly silence of the empty street, sounding almost helpless and desperate. He can see Tajima feeling Mihashi's pulse. He can feel Tajima's agony.

Abe blinks, and looks straight ahead.

Just minutes later, he hears the blaring of an ambulance from not the other side of the street. Once again his eyes flit around Mihashi to where Tajima is. A young, burly man comes to kneel beside Tajima, blank eyes staring at Mihashi.

He blinks, and his eyes irritate him, and then there's a warm wetness on his cheeks.

Abe puts his hand to his cheek.

Suddenly, his eyes widen.

And suddenly Abe is wide awake and he realizes that it isn't a dream. It's reality. Mihashi is hurt, Tajima is crying and, and ---

He's standing there, petrified. His face is white as a sheet, and his eyes are disbelieving. He sees the accident, Mihashi's suffering, Mihashi's lifeless body.

And he's doing nothing. He can't do anything.

His heart lurches, he starts running. Running as fast as he can, faster than just five minutes ago, fast as if his life depended on it. Even though it's such a short distance, and the streets are not so empty anymore.

He rushes through the milling crowd, through the anxious whispers to where Mihashi is, lying on the stretcher that two men carry. His vision is blurry, but he manages himself enough to clutch Mihashi's shirt, shaking the boy lightly, ignoring the men shouting around him, and screams, "Wake up, you idiot!"

He doesn't pay heed to the silence following his outburst, and continues, "Wake up! I said, wake up! Why don't you listen to me?"

He doesn't know why he's saying this. Mihashi's hurt, unconscious, maybe --- no, he can't convince himself that there's something wrong with Mihashi, and the tears are flowing steadfastly and he knows he's not acting like his usual self, and he doesn't exactly care about that. He impatiently shrugs off the hand on his shoulder, and clutches Mihashi's blood-soaked shirt tightly, his hand red and hurting.

"Wake up!" He screams, half-hoping that Mihashi will redden and bawl and stutter at him.

Two gentle hands firmly tug him away, and his hands lose their grip on Mihashi. He is pulled away. The young man who was with Tajima just a moment ago smiles at him, a weak smile, and follows Mihashi into the ambulance.

The ambulance is gone; the street is empty once more save for a few who mill around or help clean the mess of the accident.

Abe looks down at his shoes. Sticky and Red.

He feels Tajima's hand on his shoulder and instantly knows that it should have been vice-versa, that he should have been the one to do something for Mihashi, that Tajima should have been the one crying out to Mihashi, that he should have been the one comforting Tajima.

Instead, he covers his face with his hands.

They're late for school.

---

Rambly, over-dramatic chapter~ :sweats:


	2. A Sense of Loss

Abe later comes to know that the young man who had been with Tajima after the accident (in his place) was the driver who had caused Mihashi's accident. Mr. Kitano is a tall, handsome and lanky man aged 26, and the heir to one of the largest corporations in Tokyo. After the accident, he had driven away out of fear. But his guilt had stopped him, and just as soon he had alerted a nearby hospital.

Abe knows all this, because Mr. Kitano is a nice and honest man.

He looks at Mihashi's mother's face, her eyes red and swollen, her smile wane and fake. He does not have the energy to smile back, so he looks away, at the rest of the Nishiura baseball team, Momokan, Hamada, and some of Mihashi's other acquaintances whose names he can't remember. He closes his eyes and tries to remember their names. It's slightly better than remembering yesterday.

But it's useless.

No one, not even Tajima, ridicules him for acting like he did yesterday, and yet he has already pointed out to himself a hundred times how uselessly he acted yesterday. How he could not help and just stood petrified. How all he did was act emotional and try to wake Mihashi up as if he would, as if he could. How senseless his actions were.

Senseless actions? Abe shakes his head involuntarily.

The doctor comes up to Mihashi's mother, and she stands up, half-hopeful, half-anxious. The rest of them watch the two carefully as they whisper. The meeting is over in a few minutes, and Mihashi's mother seems worse than before the doctor came. They all look at her but none dares to ask her about Mihashi's condition. She herself offers an explanation. "T-The doctor s-s-says that his condition is-is critical," she stutters, so much like Mihashi. "He's suffered serious injuries to his brain and may-he may have to undergo surgery."

Abe's breath hitches.

* * *

The Nishiura High School baseball team holds a conference a day before their match.

Hanai, being the captain, has to bring it up. "We should withdraw," he says, and not just out of worry for his pitcher, but for the entire team as well. Mihashi is not just their ace pitcher, he's their only pitcher. Oki may have experience, but without Mihashi they really don't have any future.

Everyone knows that.

Even Momokan does. But she cannot give up, cannot concede this chance when they may still be able to do it. She hesitates for a moment, wondering whether she can say it, wondering whether she may hurt - she looks at Abe, then Tajima - the team by her words. She wonders if she should say it. She doesn't want to.

But it's her duty as a coach.

"Don't give up so easily," she breathes, ignoring the looks of her team, and gazing steadfastly ahead. "We can beat the next team."

They all stay silent.

The game is lost, 1-6.

* * *

It comes in the newspaper the next day; it actually makes the front page. Abe's father is the one to read it first, and he unknowingly passes it to his son.

"...Nishiura High School's star pitcher Ren Mihashi-"

Abe throws the paper away without another look, heads towards his new red bike and announces his leave.

* * *

Days seem to pass by quickly.

They seem to be discussing it everywhere, low murmurs and whispers and Abe doesn't know how to ignore it. He tries to ignore the stares too, but sometimes something just clicks inside him and he wants to shout at them all and tell them to leave him alone.

A lot of people approach him and tell him how sorry they are. As if he's Mihashi's personal secretary. They tell him that they pray for Mihashi to be all right. As if he, of all the people, needs to know that. They tell him to not lose hope. He doesn't say anything.

He sits on Mihashi's bed, days after the operation, looking at Mihashi. The nurse closes the door behind him and they're finally alone, and usually Abe would've been indifferent to the fact, but today it irritates him.

"He isn't regaining consciousness, he's gone into a coma-"

He watches Mihashi's clean face, seemingly free of any blemish, just a bandage covering his head and bare scalp. It doesn't fool him.

He suddenly remembers something, takes Mihashi's left hand in his clammy hand, and presses it tightly before releasing it. It feels cold and lifeless.

Abe looks at Mihashi once more, and has the burning desire to laugh. "You were the one who didn't keep his promise," he tells Mihashi. Mihashi doesn't respond. "You were the one who got hurt," he says.

Somehow his eyes become moist, but he doesn't move to wipe them; letting, not for once, signs of weakness show. "I thought it was a promise."

_See what you're doing to me._

The nurse comes in, and his five minutes are over.

---

Thank you very much for all your reviews, everyone :D :D Really appreciate them! (and I checked and cross-checked the grammar, but if you see anything --- concrit please!). Also, will apologize for the short chapter. Long fics just don't agree with me...


End file.
